


A Meeting Of Souls

by wesleyfanfiction_archivist



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-05-30
Updated: 2005-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-12 08:59:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7095334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wesleyfanfiction_archivist/pseuds/wesleyfanfiction_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jossverse up to "Reprise". Let's just say it's not Darla Angel vents his frustrations (up)on. Worry not, though – still no perfect happiness. Just a rough approach at animal bliss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Meeting Of Souls

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Versaphile, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [WesleyFanfiction.net](http://fanlore.org/wiki/WesleyFanFiction.Net). Deciding that it needed to have a more long-term home, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact the e-mail address on [WesleyFanfiction.net collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wesleyfanfiction/profile).

Angel still hadn't adjusted to his new feelings for Wesley, mostly because he wasn't really sure of what they were. Lust? He dreaded that might be all. Love? Yes! But how could Wesley tell from what Angel had put him through the previous night? Wesley had always been a good friend. Okay, something of a dorkish one at first. But that had never embarrassed him, only made him dearer to Angel. Like a 220- something younger brother? Perhaps. So what had been that? Incest? There was lust all again … And it felt so wrong, yet somehow so pleasing – fulfilling a need Angel had not dare address for so long. 

Back in his room at the Hyperion he had paced back and forth all night. Decision time now. He'd called Cordy, talked to Gunn.  
Told them about how he sunk to the lowest. And from that nadir he came up not as Angelus but Angel. Much in need of friends and a mission. Redemption? He could only hope for that … 

Yet he paced. Not wanting to go downstairs, even though he knew Cordelia would have told Wesley by now that Angel wanted them to move back to the Hyperion. That he was no longer the boss of them – rather the reverse. She seemed to have found his begging genuine – it was. Gunn would now follow Cordy to the end of the world and beyond, so he grunted him a few words of acceptance and on how maybe humility and humbleness could work miracles. 

So Angel prepared to face his greatest fear. Downstairs he went. 

Only Cordy seemed to be in yet. In his office. 

`Morning Angel. Gunn and I thought maybe we could share the inner- sanctum on a rotating basis while you vamp the phones and greet the customers. Sounds fun, I know.' 

`And yet you sound so … cheery. It kind of spooks me.' 

`No Angel, it spooks all of us, this. And just so you know – it's only you with the cheery. Try to vamp down or something!' 

`Done!' 

`It's just that I am so happy, you know? The whole A.I. back on the job! And being the first one to get here today? Gunn is going to be majorly pissed off. We had this not so little bet going! No signs of Wesley yet, though – which is almost without precedent and…' she stopped catching the concerned look in Angel's eyes. 

`Wes not here yet?' 

`I believe I just said that. God don't you ever listen?' there was decidedly something gloomier than usual about Angel's demeanour `Are you feeling … y'know, okay?' 

`Yeah. Just … I still have some stuff to take care of back in my room. Call me when Wes gets here?' 

`Sure, whatever.' 

Angel felt cornered. Had that been a giveaway? Did he care? He didn't even think he could recognize a giveaway anymore. 

Angel lounged morosely about until Cordy's soft knock on the door followed by `Wes is here!' made his heart leap. At least figuratively. And he was pretty certain he would have flushed and blushed and maybe even hyper-ventilated a bit. Right. So being a vampire wasn't all bad. Downstairs he went on. His office door lay open and he needed no invitation. So why couldn't he get past the threshold? Maybe because Wesley was there sitting at his desk? 

Make contact, Angel. Connect. 

`Hey?' 

`Oh … Hello Angel.' Long pause. Ache all over both of them. `You're up rather early, aren't you?'

 

`Yeah, well … Had things to do. I mean things to say. To you.' 

`Yes?' 

Angel knew he deserved all this coolness. Christ, much more than this, but still … 

`Please Wesley don't act all collected like nothing happened. About this … I thought we ought to talk.' 

`You mean about the wild, excruciatingly painful sex bit where I feared for my life or the "I love you Wesley!" bit? Because I'm a little confused here. Which part do you remember best, if at all? Which part are you going to erase first?'

`Erase? No! No … Wesley, I meant what I said even it was so clearly not the right moment. But I know you felt something, too.' 

`Did I?' 

Angel got closer to Wesley. 

`Please keep the door open.' Wesley's tone had gone back to cold. 

`You want what? A row? And Cordy to take sides? Wesley … Please just talk to me.' 

After what seemed like an endless silence Wesley relented. 

`Fine, come in. Shut the door. Not that a door ever prevented Cordelia from listening in. So let's talk – talk about how you used me for your own pleasure and then said something and left me broken and bleeding and crying like a baby!' 

Angel took a few steps back. He had expected this much anger but it was still a shock to have it put into words what he had done to Wes. 

`Wes, I … I … never meant to hurt you. Surely you must know that. I didn't just say "something", remember. I told you I love you Wesley. I was just so …' 

`Horny? Hungry?' The words were spat at him. 

`Lost. Desperate. I still am. But even if I did all the wrong, most painful things to express it to you, I do love you. I want to be able to show it. I need you. Please?' 

`Please what? Please let you trample all over my feelings? I can't. I won't risk getting hurt by you. Making you lose your soul… God, Angel, if only you had the remotest notion of how much it hurts just caring for you, let alone loving you … Even just being around you is too much … I …' A sob interrupted him as he tried to leave the office. 

Angel stopped him. Held him firmly but gently. 

`I care about you, Wes. That's what I'm trying to tell you. And I do need you so much … But the other night? You scared me. Of myself. For the first time in a long while I truly believed Angelus would be returning soon – too soon for me to be able to stop him. And I can't deny it - I was also aroused. You felt it, didn't you?' 

`Yes. And I wanted to give myself to you. Completely. But I don't know that I love you or need you Angel. Just that I want you against my better judgement.' 

Angel held him a little closer, a little tighter. Wes didn't struggle. 

`Wes … I think you know precisely what you want from me. From us.   
Maybe the whole notion just revolts you. Can't say I blame you there.   
But I honestly think you worry too much. I would never hurt you again. Besides, you can always approach me in full anti-vamp kit.' 

`But how can I be certain that you won't…?' 

`Turn on you? Drink from you? … Turn you? Wes, what can I do to prove to you I would never do anything to you you wouldn't want me to?' 

Wesley's brain was at last shutting down. `Kiss me.' It was more a command than a request. 

Angel let his cold lips touch Wesley's fiery ones. His mouth parted in eager invitation and Wesley's tongue was inside Angel's icy mouth, lighting him up with his warmth. Angel felt on fire. The little stops Wesley took to breathe and blow warm air into Angel took both of them near to ecstasy. Angel felt that Wesley's passion was consuming him.   
Passion for a vampire. Souled. Good. Angel.  
Angel who had practically raped him the night before. No bliss there.  
Wesley seemed to sense it.  
They pulled back. 

`Love you Wes.' 

`I need to think.' And Wesley broke the embrace. Ran. Out of the hotel. Throwing an awkward smile at Cordelia. He was aware she had probably figured most of it by now. 

Angel came out minutes later. Eyes stuck on the floor. 

`What the hell did you do to him last night, exactly?' 

Angel looked more miserable than she had ever seen him. 

`I think I raped him.' Before she could react he added `And God forgive me I think part of him liked it.' 

`He… You what?'

Was she going repeat on him? No. She had heard him well enough. Her approach was more physical. Objects and punches and swear words all got thrown at him. He didn't deflect many.

`What happened? Am I going crazy here?'

So he tried on Cordy the speech he had been researching. He was frustrated. He was in love with Wesley. He had been afraid that Angelus was resurfacing. Still he turned to Wesley. Who hadn't exactly said "no" but had clearly been terrified. So it happened. No Angelus. But still a terrified, bitter and hurt Wesley whom he loved more than ever.  
Cordy had started to cry at some point. Now she was pleading.

`You have to fix it! You have to make it right, let him know there's no danger that… or is there?'

`No.'

`So this isn't bliss?'

`I guess what I did to him prevents it from being perfect happiness. You saw how he left. If I ever get a good morning greeting out of him I'll be thankful.'

`So go talk to him until he listens!'

`You mean go to his house? So he can feel hunted on top of it all? I can't… I can't risk that.'

`So it's real Love?'

`It's… Yes.'

`He'll be back tomorrow. Maybe you can try again then. And keep trying.'

`You mean keep twisting the knife?'

`I mean being there for him so he can learn how to trust you again.'

`Are you turning wise on me?'

`On you? Sure, piece of cake. Overall wise? Pfft! Right…' 

 

Pretty soon – far too soon – Angel was alone again. Sunnydale Cordy had left with a `When did he become this whiny?' track stuck on her mind – her L.A.-self just barely thankful he hadn't gone evil.   
Well, not Evil-evil. Wesley's then? Wesley's. 

 

`You know the invitation was withdrawn, don't you?'

`Wes, I just want us to talk, please. We can go somewhere else. Bring stakes, whatever. Please?'

`And I should this because it will make you feel better about what you did to me?'

Defeat. Utter.

`No. There's no reason why. I just wanted to make you feel better by telling you I love you.  
But that's selfish, right? Doesn't help you heal…'  
Angel fell against the invisible barrier. He couldn't even display the "proper" level of emotion. He couldn't burst into fits of despair. All he could do was cry a little. Face away from Wesley.

`I… I don't understand it. Any of it. But damn you that's more than even I could stand! Come in! …' 

They fell into each others' arms. Silent tears. Silent kisses. 

`Why didn't you say anything … You … didn't seem to be fighting me?' 

`Would it have stopped you?' 

`Probably not.' 

`I think I saw something on you – something that would stop you from going too far. From overstepping that point of no return place that we never know truly exists.' 

`Until we cross it. And I have. Angelus has. So many times. What made this any different? How could you tell?' 

`Very inquisitive of you – why can't you just be kissing me right now?'

`Seriously Wes what was it?' 

`I saw something beyond your actions and it gave me hope. It was something almost apologetic almost a promise of a moment like this when we would be together and you would be reassuring and loving.  
I recognize it because there was something of it in myself, as well.  
Something beyond enjoying physical intimacy. Beyond enjoying the things you made me do.' 

`Wes I know I can be pretty dense but I still don't get it. What was that something?' 

`Your Soul.' 

 

finis


End file.
